1. Call me Ms. Burton if you’re nasty…

    I had mentioned that I was pretty good at classic rock trivia in my profile, and she just starts riffing on it in her intro message…

    Submitted by T.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  2. A “set of haiku for you” is only ominous on OkCupid.

    A set of haiku for you, inspired by that brutish picture… 

    She asked for one thing 
    she made me promise bruises 
    gently I obliged 

    She looked so angry 
    when promises of bruises 
    came true with such force 

    So from here I am not sure what direction to go. But I am good for conversations about subversion of authority, metaphysics, and perspectives on why the ocean is salty. Additionally, I am good for the adventure. I find acts of sabotage pleasurable, but acts of pleasure shouldn’t be sabotaged. Finally I know the best way to discover that the ocean is salty is to dive in, past midnight, when the water is darkest.

    Submission.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  3. image: download

    Submission.

    Submission.

     
  4. Let me be your plumber.

    When I look at your pictures, I get drunk with desire. You radiate beauty like a star radiates light and it is intoxicating. We should talk. I want to be with you ! As anything… If you won’t let me be your husband or a lover, at least let me be some sort of pet or servant to you… A driver, a body guard, training partner, cook, maid, assistant, mechanic, plumber, handy man… I want to be in your life. Desperately… Pretending I am not hungry when in fact I am starving, it is not something I want to do. Besides, I want to be with you because you are amazingly beautiful. I want to worship your beauty, the God within you, I want to live in bliss….

    Submitted by L.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  5. image: download

    Submission.

    Submission.

     
  6. hurt me with your rough edges.
    — Submission.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  7. Is this supposed to be poetic or something?

    I came across your profile and was quite enamored by such an articulate and heavenly blessed beauty. I would be kicking myself if I didn’t ask, so I was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals? Of course this “engagement” may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more erotic, lascivious, and sexual paths that will include but are not limited to passionate make out sessions under the star lit sky, dry humping, fondling each others naughty parts inducing orgasms, and an abundance of new uncharted sexual positions where I assert my pure dominance in establishing a realm of absolute sovereignty in your nether regions. 

    Is this something you would be interested in pursuing?

    Submitted by T.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  8. Would you like to be with a man who really knows what to do?

    Would you like to be with a man who really knows what to do, who’s really there for you when you want him and yet knows how to give you the space you need. 

    A man who is balanced in his emotions and physical needs and respects your dreams, passions and changing rythms. Can you recall a time when you might imagine the perfect love, someone who can touch you so deeply that just by the sound of their voice you begin to feel so warm all over. Sometimes a person might not know that that’s what’s taking place until afterwards and they’re looking back on this moment as the most thrilling moment you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. A moment you have been looking forward to, a moment that you now feel is the start of something you feel you must pursue and allow yourself the freedom to express yourself. 

    Now I don’t expect you to feel something I said has touched you in that way, don’t have that response. Now, I only want you to know that if you are a nice, sweet, loving, attractive young women with a servant’s heart, who really wants to be with someone who is gentle but strong, someone who truly understands you, who makes you feel like anything is possible in life .. then leave a short message because I’d like to have a meaningful conversation with you. 

    My name is [redacted], Whats yours ?

    Submitted by G.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  9. Submitted by M.

    Submitted by M.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  10. ...

    1. Him: i am a patagonian, you are a beauty... say your 'lust is weakness'... I will satisfy it and more. Get drinks with me and I will make you smile as you provoke the enamoration inside me... beauty is fleeting, yet you seem to have it in a perverse stranglehold. I will make you laugh and smile and you will gaze at me with wonderment, thinking;where has this man been all my life... Just a shot in the dark; this message, if it finds you. I promise satisfaction and an affirmation of your existence; myself being only a reduplication of a man, albeit one who will validate your breath, make your longing legitimate... the choice is yours. And yet, none shall worry or despair upon your choice of silence and ignorance. I am but a lustful man, a feral being, seeking only beauty and understanding... Your eyes, your lips, your body... could it save me?? Only time and will can decide
    2. Me: thy beams so reverend, and strong why shouldst thou think ? i could eclipse and cloud them with a wink, but that i would not lose her sight so long." pitiful creature you are, sir. pitiful indeed. are you attempting to woo with such words of indignant repugnance? oh, my dear sir, do not linger here. wanton lustful proposals are not to be indulged; for we all know beauty shall never last - "but at my back i always hear time's winged chariot hurrying near; and yonder all before us lie deserts of vast eternity." in truth, my existence need not be affirmed; rather worshiped truthfully. satisfaction? my dear boy, you cannot appease me. if i were to settle for less, such as yourself, beauty would be forgotten; foolishness would succeed. oh, no, i don't want to play with such trifles. need i elaborate for you, are you in need of a more feasible response? oh, poor child you are. had i not been forced into such revolt, by such sentiments of concupiscence, i would have enjoyed a proper discussion. scuttle off, the children are beckoning.
    3. Him: haha, awesome!