Submitted by B.
This is what we have to look forward to?
The tales of being a cognizant female on OKCupid.
on the fuck kill tip my dicks got some funky shit
rubbing on your pussy till you beg for a hit
ill give you my mushroom loving so deep girl
ill buy you a big ass pussy pearl
I find you incredibly sexy. At least as far as your OKC profile goes. You might actually be a drag and a sea donkey. But reading and checking out your pics gives me the unique sensation that I had a pull of whiskey and then was promptly hit over the head
Is it cheesy to say that I feel like I know you already? (ANSWER ME!!! …OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!!)
Submitted by B.
"hey! I just came home alone from a night out and it would be so much nicer if you were here in my bed with me. So, what do you say? wanna get a drink with me and see where it ends up?"
I love you
I want to jump in cold cold super insane cold ocean with you
and our nipples hard and hearts soft - then soup hot
and stop by the funeral of a stranger
and and and
let’s go be life
Do you go to the church on University and Gale?
Have you ever had X RATED SEX WITH MAN LIKE A WOMAN BEFORE.
I’ve had sex with men like women. Although a man, I have a lot females hormones too. Ive got feeling in my breasts and all around my body too. I was introduced to a lot of things…”
After I didn’t respond, he followed up with:
"Observing your profile again, I hate to say this. But I think we know Jesus is coming, the news explains it. Israel is Yeshewas people and I’m one of thos3 people on the other side of the rainbows.
I don’t see the progressive sexual revolution coming back.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SEARCH, SORRY…”
Submitted by K.
Picture our first date…
We meet at a coffee house. We awkwardly, but dutifully exchange life stories. Jesus this feels like a job interview. It’s not going well, but we decide to get a couple of drinks at the bar next door. We’re both nervous and we begin to drink a little too much…
The next morning, we wake up in a quirky but run-down motel in a poorer section of Reno. You notice you’re wearing a wedding ring on your right hand and a rubber tie around your left upper arm. There’s a spent syringe still lodged, flopping to and fro, in your forearm. You look over and see me wearing nothing but a new wedding band and a white button-down shirt, covered in blood. I have an empty bottle of Glen Goolie Blue in one hand and a large silver revolver in the other.
I begin to stir a little and you remove the heroin rig from your arm and make for the bathroom. You are foggily surprised to find the bodies of a heavily tattooed asian man, well-dressed, with long hair, and a young blonde girl, maybe 21, wearing the obvious and outrageous uniform of an unlicensed prostitute.
They’ve obviously been shot to death, and have been here for several hours, judging by the state of the bodies and the terrible volume of blood.
Stumbling back to the bedroom/living area, you turn your head from the horror, your mind reeling with confusion…
Sitting on the bed next to my barely breathing, inebriated body, you gently pluck your watch from the nightstand. As you focus on your watch, the numbers begin to make a dreadful kind of sense… then it hits you.
You’ve been gone for four days