You can’t understand me. [I am uncomfortable.]
“Hi, how are you. I am researcher in [redacted] University and new in USA. I need girlfriend here. I can’t speak English very well and I can’t understand very well. Do not be afraid, I am only not well. You looks very beautiful and I’d like to meet you a lot. Everybody likes me in my Country. I am a romance; like beautiful flowers; going to movie with you; sightseeing together New York, museums important building; to have sex; walking together hand in hand and kissing your lips. Maybe you can notice my green eyes. But don’t kiss, you can’t understand me. I am kissing very well (girls kissed by me say me). I think you send me an e-mail too. See you…”
Submitted by L.
(Source: okcupidkillme)
image: download
hi im [redacted] how are you, i love tacos (if its a plus), but seriously i like what i’ve read.you’re a little bit of a grammar nazi but its ok. perfect grammar is good when someones looking for it,but anyway check my page out and if need reply
You can even count this as a date, if you want.
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Him:
Truth or dare
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Me:
truth
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Him:
What r u wearing
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Me:
clothes.
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Me:
well that was fun.
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Submission.
...
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Him:
i am a patagonian, you are a beauty... say your 'lust is weakness'... I will satisfy it and more. Get drinks with me and I will make you smile as you provoke the enamoration inside me... beauty is fleeting, yet you seem to have it in a perverse stranglehold. I will make you laugh and smile and you will gaze at me with wonderment, thinking;where has this man been all my life... Just a shot in the dark; this message, if it finds you. I promise satisfaction and an affirmation of your existence; myself being only a reduplication of a man, albeit one who will validate your breath, make your longing legitimate... the choice is yours. And yet, none shall worry or despair upon your choice of silence and ignorance. I am but a lustful man, a feral being, seeking only beauty and understanding... Your eyes, your lips, your body... could it save me?? Only time and will can decide
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Me:
thy beams so reverend, and strong why shouldst thou think ? i could eclipse and cloud them with a wink, but that i would not lose her sight so long." pitiful creature you are, sir. pitiful indeed. are you attempting to woo with such words of indignant repugnance? oh, my dear sir, do not linger here. wanton lustful proposals are not to be indulged; for we all know beauty shall never last - "but at my back i always hear time's winged chariot hurrying near; and yonder all before us lie deserts of vast eternity." in truth, my existence need not be affirmed; rather worshiped truthfully. satisfaction? my dear boy, you cannot appease me. if i were to settle for less, such as yourself, beauty would be forgotten; foolishness would succeed. oh, no, i don't want to play with such trifles. need i elaborate for you, are you in need of a more feasible response? oh, poor child you are. had i not been forced into such revolt, by such sentiments of concupiscence, i would have enjoyed a proper discussion. scuttle off, the children are beckoning.
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Him:
haha, awesome!
I have never had sex with an Asian!!
I have never had sex with an Asian!! Your cute so HMU if Ur down I’m not a weirdo just a normal dude from la lol
Submitted by L.
(Source: okcupidkillme)
I like everything I read…we’d have oodles and doodles of fun together doing stuff except…I have a kid which you explicitly don’t want and I don’t drink, which you kind of seem to.
So I was thinking about how we are never going to speak to each other.
So I was thinking, we are clearly the two best looking people on this site and we should take advantage of it. What do you say we go to Vegas and get married then make a happy family of perfectly aesthetic children that are so awe striking they make world rulers drop to their knees and beg to pay us huge sums of money for the genetic code. Then we can live happily ever after, throwing money in the trash and partying like Charlie Sheen. As you can see I have this whole thing planned out so all you have to do after you pop out some kids is sit by the pool, drink margaritas, and get oiled up by hot pool boys all day while I conduct business. I already have the wedding booked for the Elvis Wedding Chapel on the strip so I’m really banking on you to say yes to this or I’m going to have to just find a stripper and I don’t think the plan will turn out as well.
Submission and the exact same letter was received by an OKCKM editor. Classy.
(Source: okcupidkillme)
From his profile:
“Don’t add me if you are not going to chat its a waste of time or if you are already speaking to 10 other guys…”
Submitted by M.
(Source: okcupidkillme)
