1. So I was thinking about how we are never going to speak to each other.

    So I was thinking, we are clearly the two best looking people on this site and we should take advantage of it. What do you say we go to Vegas and get married then make a happy family of perfectly aesthetic children that are so awe striking they make world rulers drop to their knees and beg to pay us huge sums of money for the genetic code. Then we can live happily ever after, throwing money in the trash and partying like Charlie Sheen. As you can see I have this whole thing planned out so all you have to do after you pop out some kids is sit by the pool, drink margaritas, and get oiled up by hot pool boys all day while I conduct business. I already have the wedding booked for the Elvis Wedding Chapel on the strip so I’m really banking on you to say yes to this or I’m going to have to just find a stripper and I don’t think the plan will turn out as well.

    Submission and the exact same letter was received by an OKCKM editor. Classy.

    (Source: okcupidkillme)

     
  2. at least I got the house in Hawaii…

    Subject line: Jerk.

    After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.

    Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart.

    your ex-hubby,

    mo

    ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup.

    Submitted by B.

    We sure do think this sounds an awful lot like Mr. P….