Submitted by I.
This is what we have to look forward to?
The tales of being a cognizant female on OKCupid.
Submitted by I.
Him: hello there there cinderella how are you? would you liek to chat ? or are you afraid of having a good time, grabing a bite to eat enjoying a nice chat and a few glasses of wine over sushi. Holding hands walking to the car to head back to your place. Watching a movie with the lights dimmed low,snuggled up on the couch cuddled up in each others arms not saying a word,feeling each others heart beat begining to race, not saying a word our eyes doing the talking.Our lips become one,you inhaling deeply with each kiss! I work my way around your neck softly and gently,as you close your eyes and exhale……… Mmmmm! Making our way to the bedroom were I lay you down closing your eyes once more as I continue to work my way around your neck over your beautiful breast across your belly going lower and lower! You giving me a silent command not to stop my runing your fingers through my hair, arching your back moaning,cersting your breast with your other hand. Mmmmm…….ooooooh!……As I work my way up to where our lips became one!…………….Mmmmm! ooooooh oooooh oooh im sorry did i take it to far?! lol
My response: Not far enough clearly… pretty soon it gets all hot and wet up in there… you never had it so good… 3 weeks later I call you… crying… pregnancy test in hand. You ask if I’m sure you’re the father… I call you a dick. You hang up on me. I call you back and it takes 12 calls before you finally answer. I hear a woman in the background, probably some whore you met on here. You tell me you’re sure you aren’t my baby daddy because you don’t play like that and you’re 65% sure you had a condom on… but you can’t really remember… it was a crazy night after all. Several months later I give birth to your spawn. Totally looks like you, it’s in the eyes. Your mother agrees, you tell her to shut the hell up. Ends up I have to take you to court for support. Clutching the DNA test in hand from the Maury show… you lose. You become an alcoholic and question your entire life’s purpose. You meet a hooker named Candy and she says something like “Damn son, you walked a long hard road to get to me, how about a discount?” For a loss at anything else to do you nod, quietly, sobbing into a Bud Lite… you hate Bud Lite… but you’re trying to cut back and it’s a good place to start. You ask her if she’s clean. Candy lies and doesn’t tell you she has AIDS. You find out you’ve been hit and get into a stem cell trial, I’m still waiting on last month’s check at this point, but you’re too afraid to tell me about the AIDS you just say that you made mistakes and you know now… for sure, that you should try to be a better father. You look into your son’s eyes and tell him “Be careful when writing to girls on the internet, you might want to try to get to know them as people first… or you might end up like me, alone and dying of AIDS. When I die, listen to your mother, she’s good people.”
You eventually waste away in a home, Candy by your bed (because it ends up she’s a good hooker like that). You cross to the other side full of regrets.
Submitted by L.
I’m 19, the guy was 42.
Him: Liberal arts is where it’s at!
In dc now looking for new friends and adventures. Does that sound like something you’re interested in?
We could get wine and talk russian history and lit.
Me: I’m flattered, but I am also less than half your age. No thanks.
Him: Sure. I understand. But that extra age is just experience you shouldn’t turn down without investigating.
—5 hours pass—
Him: The age is really too much for you? No sense of mystery and adventure?
Me: I am literally young enough to be your daughter. It’s too much of a difference, sorry.
Him: Look. I know it’s a difference. But I can treat you like no one your age would ever know how to treat you. I promise you’d feel things that you won’t experience for awhile. Just be open minded. I’m not a creep, just an experienced and sensuous man who likes to please women. You can control everything about meeting bid you ever feel uncomfortable, you just walk away.
Good idea. I’m uncomfortable, time to walk away.
Him:hey want to hang out some time?
Him:can I fuck you in my bed<3 ?
Him:Hiiiiiiiii whattt up?
Him: well i thought u were cute and im also a vegetarian ,but ur a STUCK Up bitch,
[In a message from someone I’d never talked to before]
Him: hey ninja, how are you?!
Me: why am i a ninja?? o_O
Him: cause ninjas are like unknown, and you are unknown to me…? lol i tryed, your not supposed to ask questions just go along with it!
(5:13:52 pm) [deleted account]: can we hookup
(5:15:48 pm) me: That’s a new one.
(5:16:20 pm) [deleted account]: how can that be new, i thought gays were sexually active
(5:16:25 pm) [deleted account]: or bi’s
(5:18:01 pm) me: Uhhh.
(5:19:01 pm) [deleted account]: is that a no?
(5:21:06 pm) [deleted account]: my gf uses a strapon on me so i think im ready for the real deal
Submitted by M.