June 2012
53 posts
7 tags
Meet me for COCK tails?
I got this as a message. Did he think I’d go for it? To make everything worse his only picture was of his abs sans-head. Needless to say I passed up the opportunity. Submitted by E.
7 tags
What a romantic, II
Hey, did you know they’re actually paying for sperm donors now? What the hell, right? Had I known I wouldn’t have wasted all my sperm masturbating to your pictures. When we get dinner, you pick up the tab.
Submitted by M.
6 tags
OkCupid is not a beat. Or is it?
Hiya mate mick How you doing Keen to meet Love top me now [phone number omitted] Your place??
Submitted by J.
7 tags
8 tags
6 tags
You know, because Asian women turn into gigantic...
You’re kewl,and you’re also Asian,awesome.I think Asian women are pretty,even though I was born on 4-20-1980.I celebrate my birthday every now and then.I just don’t say that I do ,on this site,because I trust no one,even though it should not even be an isssue.It’s just governmental bs laws,that’s screwed up,and it’s inflence on some foolish people’s...
7 tags
sexual predation
“I’m not a sexual predator so hey how u doing??”
I absolutely regret trying to be funny and putting “you’re not a sexual predator” under the Message me if box. Submitted by E.
6 tags
6 tags
You... would...?
“Would I be correct in assuming you say you went to school that is really good??”
…that was the entire message. Submission.
5 tags
“Join me for good convo,laughs,and UNO”
– Submission.
5 tags
“hurt me with your rough edges.”
– Submission.
4 tags
5 tags
Do YOU like being "worked over?"
You looks like a handful in all the right ways. How did you get those bruises? Do you like being worked over? I like that you will give me lip, I need that.
Submission.
5 tags
Woman + "Seeking Casual Sex" = ???
Him: wanna fuck?
Me: 4th time
Him: whats the 4th time?
Me: 4th time i've gotten that as an opening message.
Him: hah.. no way? i take it your not then if your counting
Me: my not what?
Him: huh??? are you interested in no strings attached sex or not?
Me: yes, i am! unfortunately, i'm selective and not just an open vaginaway for any dude who asks me if i wanna fuck. better luck next time, bro.
Submission.
5 tags
Thank...you?
An epiphany: Upon seeing your knee bruised photo, I got a weird erection. Not all erections are sexually enticed, mind you. Eg morning wood. It’s something to think about though, and for this, thank you.
Submission.
5 tags
Ah-nold Schwarze-never.
Listen, I realize that I am terrible with small talk too, which is fine. I was just going to stalk on your profile as I have been for the past week, while eating ice cream and masturbating with my own tears. But last night I had a dream of us holding hands hundreds of miles away from here, breaking free of this dark world, loving truly, the span of a moment, pure love unleashed. It was so great,...
7 tags
White & Asian people have an uncommonly strong...
white/asian people have an uncommonly strong bond with spiders and large insects. they’re part of the white/asian family unit. they have little seats at the dinner table, little rooms to themselves. tiny books, which they can read all at once, because of their many eyes, and white/asian people get poked fun at for this, but it’s really a beautiful tradition. endearing. if i’m to...
5 tags
“Hey nice profile. So you like tall strong guys that are well endowed?”
– Submission.
5 tags
Cool Dad.
Q: Would you let your children under 13 watch movies with full nudity?
A: Yes
Explanation: “That’s right. I’d be Cool Dad.”
6 tags
Taking The Hint 101
Him: Do you like bi guys?
Me: I don't not like bi guys...?
Him: Cool, I'm bi but I like being discreet about it. So, how are you?
Me: Interesting introduction.
Him: So, do you hang out with a lot of gay/bi people?
Me: I guess so. I mean. I don't go out of my way or anything.
Him: Cool, so what are you looking for?
Me: That's what my profile is for.
Him: Maybe we can hang out sometime?
Me: I don't think so, bro.
6 tags
“I did a search on asians and you popped up…lol! You ain’t...”
– Says the first Asian guy to message me since I moved to Texas
Submitted by C.
5 tags
One ellipsis for me, years of suffering for you.
So girl what’s up with it you down and you like to get crazy where you from they call me reckless [redacted] Hells Angels… I am down to earth I like to enjoy life drink beer and listen to good music tomorrow’s my birthday let’s kick it
Submission.
8 tags
I... What?
You seem like someone who wants to protect people. How do you like your coffee?
Submitted by C.
5 tags
7 tags
Just a little social organizing taking place,...
Putting together an FFM or FFFM where I get to experience getting dominated.. like truly. Ever want to take your frustrations out on a guy, and still have him try to please you while you have complete control.
Also I’m sure it doesn’t just have to be a one way thing of course if your into being submissive as well. (And have a giri who is interested)
Of course would want to meet...
5 tags
[...]
nice resume =) I’m all about isms as well except exorcism. I don’t like getting puked on by the devil, he has a bad diet. I liked your profile you strike me as a woman i could connect with and it got me past your 1 picture lol, in short here’s hello
Submitted by C.
5 tags
6 tags
I think I'll look for a wife on OkCupid today!
hey whats up? my name’s *****. first and foremost, i am not very good with introductions. however, one thing i am good at is being honest and speaking from the heart. with that being said, i wanted to tell you that you were one of the most beautiful girls ive seen on this site. the fact that a girl as beautiful as you is on here blows my mind. i guarantee you that if your personality is as...
5 tags
“I’m witty, my penis is well shaped, and i get to the point”
– Submission.
7 tags
6 tags
Well that was easy.
Subject line: “Don’t Reply”
I think you are cute. Do you like my Sexy pic?
[ed: I followed the instructions.]
Submitted by J.
6 tags
“Hey, so you don’t sound like a serial killer, Just Yet! , so I thought...”
– Submission.
6 tags
Oh. Kay.
Thank you and again a wonderful thank you………..thank you for the new “isms” words………I really like the “ablism” and the “misogynistic” words, even though the second one is not a “ism”. I am one of those people that think that even under the worst of circumstances you have at least learned something, even if it is...
5 tags
“I like girls that know who to be wordy”
– Submission.
5 tags
Priorities.
Not enough people enjoy cheese. I asked my friend if he had to lose either cheese for a year or sex for a year. He said he’d rather keep the sex. Heresy.
Submitted by C.
6 tags
In lieu of rejection, we have... pity.
Creeps, nerds, lames, weirdos, loners, awkwards, misfits, and perverts are real people. With real feelings. You should message back. At least give us the old “don’t give up you’ll find someone.”
i told him that i have no obligation to message anyone on this site and that guilting me into doing so made him a douchebag. and douchebags don’t have feelings.
he was a bit...
6 tags
OKCensus?
You were showing up in my locale, how far are you from [zip code]? Thanks.
Submitted by C.
6 tags
Well, that went downhill fast.
Him: Hola como estas
Me: bien, y tu?
Him: Whsts your name?
Him: Its a beutiful day any plans for today?
Me: um, nope!
Him: De donde eres?
Someone's on a tight "get laid" schedule. [Submission.]
7 tags
5 tags
What a romantic.
Buy you “flowers, damnit?” Demanding! Here’s something that vaguely resembles a rose for free: @->—. Happy?
Submitted by L.
5 tags
“Him: this profile real?
Me: um, yes?
Him: your profile says youre interested...”
– Submission. What? You think women who like casual sex are unicorns?
7 tags
Is this supposed to be poetic or something?
I came across your profile and was quite enamored by such an articulate and heavenly blessed beauty. I would be kicking myself if I didn’t ask, so I was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals? Of course this “engagement” may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more...
7 tags
Asian fetish, great speller, soul mate.
nice profile,i just like to say i am a good man. my profile mite not say that much about me. but and i have tattoos ,but i love art and tattoos are art. and some times people don’t see that tell thy get to no me.and see that im this lovable guy. in side and out. to tell you the truth im saving my money to fly to filippines to find me a Asian girl to marry me. i believe Asian girls no how to...
5 tags
6 tags
Keep your... enemies... closer?
Hey what’s up….this say’s our match is 18%…I would like to challenge that, interested?
Submitted by L.
5 tags
“Wow! You’re quite stunning and intriguing. I’m sure you’re...”
– Submission.
4 tags
OKC Quizzes are starting to develop AI.
You have to choose between two men. One has hair all over his body, like Chewbacca or the Wolfman, and the other has zero body hair, as in bald and no eyebrows. You can’t shave the hairy dude nor do you have wigs for baldy or can you draw in any eyebrows. All other things being equal, whom do you choose and why?
Submission. Answer away, Tumblees.
5 tags
“Awesome!! Omg id do ur booty lol…hey least i didnt call u a pet name..haha”
– Even at 36 years old, this man has no grasp on spelling, grammar or punctuation. Also looks like the creepy uncle that your mom never let’s you visit… not that you ever wanted to anyway.
Submitted by G.
5 tags
I am sure you will like it.
Hi Dear
I am looking for cute lady like you. You are so attractive and my type. I am Japanese, experienced, gentle, happy person, unselfish, drug and disease free. I prefer casual relationship but not one night, trusted partner as long as you want. Let’s have coffee or drink first to see how you like me. I am person love to please lady a lot. I am sure you will like it.
3 tags
SCARY POEMS NEXT TIME, PLEASE.
Greetings, Now I could write some scary poem or confess my undying love for you from just reading your profile., or list some resume style
points about me, like I am applying for some type of job, but that would be pretty boring and uneventful. Wait, I could ask some interrogation question to get to know you, like “What do you do for fun”, or something deep and meaning for like “So where are you...