Dickbreath. You’re better than me at nothing except bleeding from your...– Submission.
Yes, that IS my real clown hair.
my name is [redacted] nice to meet you……well in case your wondering that is my real hair and clown school requires hair in the length of 5 inches and 3/4 so hence the hair and as of now my hair is currently short (deep sigh) in your honest opinion what looks better. on a serious note i would like to get to know u better and i love texting it covers so much ground in little time im...
Would you like to be with a man who really knows...
Would you like to be with a man who really knows what to do, who’s really there for you when you want him and yet knows how to give you the space you need. A man who is balanced in his emotions and physical needs and respects your dreams, passions and changing rythms. Can you recall a time when you might imagine the perfect love, someone who can touch you so deeply that just by the sound of...
I'll take one baby with you, please.
Polar opposites. How is that possible? Could it be a mistake? I almost expect the “white picket fence and 2.3 kids” to be a sarcastic remark.” They say, “Shake what your momma gave ya.” What happened to: I love you. Will you marry me? Will you be the mother of my children? I look forward to our 100th Anniversary. When did these happen: I got this @#$%^ knocked up. Now what? A baby’s...
honestly I am simply looking for respectful casual sex, friendship, and...– Submitted by C.
after a rigorously brief overview of your profile, i wanted to let you know i have already married and divorced you in my mind. thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories… you will always have a special place in my heart. your ex-husband, - a***** p.s. you can keep the beach house in florida as long as i can have the dog and my dvd’s back. Submitted by G.
I give good head, but i’m always choking on the afterbirth. -awkward...– Submission.
You can't understand me. [I am uncomfortable.]
“Hi, how are you. I am researcher in [redacted] University and new in USA. I need girlfriend here. I can’t speak English very well and I can’t understand very well. Do not be afraid, I am only not well. You looks very beautiful and I’d like to meet you a lot. Everybody likes me in my Country. I am a romance; like beautiful flowers; going to movie with you; sightseeing together New York, museums...
hi im [redacted] how are you, i love tacos (if its a plus), but seriously i like...– Submission.
You can even count this as a date, if you want.
Him: Truth or dare
Him: What r u wearing
Me: well that was fun.
Him: i am a patagonian, you are a beauty... say your 'lust is weakness'... I will satisfy it and more. Get drinks with me and I will make you smile as you provoke the enamoration inside me... beauty is fleeting, yet you seem to have it in a perverse stranglehold. I will make you laugh and smile and you will gaze at me with wonderment, thinking;where has this man been all my life... Just a shot in the dark; this message, if it finds you. I promise satisfaction and an affirmation of your existence; myself being only a reduplication of a man, albeit one who will validate your breath, make your longing legitimate... the choice is yours. And yet, none shall worry or despair upon your choice of silence and ignorance. I am but a lustful man, a feral being, seeking only beauty and understanding... Your eyes, your lips, your body... could it save me?? Only time and will can decide
Me: thy beams so reverend, and strong why shouldst thou think ? i could eclipse and cloud them with a wink, but that i would not lose her sight so long." pitiful creature you are, sir. pitiful indeed. are you attempting to woo with such words of indignant repugnance? oh, my dear sir, do not linger here. wanton lustful proposals are not to be indulged; for we all know beauty shall never last - "but at my back i always hear time's winged chariot hurrying near; and yonder all before us lie deserts of vast eternity." in truth, my existence need not be affirmed; rather worshiped truthfully. satisfaction? my dear boy, you cannot appease me. if i were to settle for less, such as yourself, beauty would be forgotten; foolishness would succeed. oh, no, i don't want to play with such trifles. need i elaborate for you, are you in need of a more feasible response? oh, poor child you are. had i not been forced into such revolt, by such sentiments of concupiscence, i would have enjoyed a proper discussion. scuttle off, the children are beckoning.
Him: haha, awesome!
Tell me more about your past failed relationships...
I am fun and outgoing. I like being around calm laid back people. I am looking for two things one is friends and a man I can connect with, I haven’t had that in a long time and I tired of settling for less I do because I am a really nice person and if I think a guy is nice I must keep well this is not the case anymore when I say connect I mean mentally physically and have things in common...
I have never had sex with an Asian!!
I have never had sex with an Asian!! Your cute so HMU if Ur down I’m not a weirdo just a normal dude from la lol Submitted by L.
I like everything I read…we’d have oodles and doodles of fun...– Submission.
So I was thinking about how we are never going to...
So I was thinking, we are clearly the two best looking people on this site and we should take advantage of it. What do you say we go to Vegas and get married then make a happy family of perfectly aesthetic children that are so awe striking they make world rulers drop to their knees and beg to pay us huge sums of money for the genetic code. Then we can live happily ever after, throwing money in the...
god. i just want to bang you all night long, while watching tv, and eating fully...– Submitted by I.
I want you to be my future ex- wife– Submitted by G.
I’d simply walk into Mordor for a date with you. The fires of Mount Doom aren’t...– Submitted by M.
The Original TL;DR. (& Maybe leave the part about...
hey ! i really just wanna get talking to someone who actually wants something real :) no sexy chat or that lark! ur such a beautiful girl :) i was kinda blown away by ya pic (if u dnt agree u cant say anything as its my opinion) :D ahh you know uve broken my habit now! i normally just leave this and hope people make the first move but then i saw you! and thought yeah ill give this whole...
So I guess I’m supposed to joke here but right now any time anyone says...– Submitted by R.
Make sure it's safe.
Hey sorry to be so straightforward but would you ever consider meeting a guy such as myself for some casual sex? That is of course once we got to know each other and made sure it was safe. Submitted by G.
Him: I don’t tell everybody this but I have a machine that can change time and relative dimension in space.
Me: Can you go back in time and tell me why on earth you answered a question on here saying you think interracial marriages are wrong? That just seems so… odd.
Him: White women of child bearing age are less than 2% of the earths population. If you don’t think the white race is worth preserving that is your prerogative.
Him: You have some odd answers in your profile as well but I didn’t send you any complaints.
Me: Holy shit. People like you actually exist.
[Submitted by A.]
BI stands for "WILL PUT OUT WITH YOU & YOUR GF"...
Hey there! You have a really one of a kind beauty…I like it! :) I guess to be blunt, I recently met a girl on here and we are having a blast! Nothing serious, but good company and “fun” behind closed doors. She is also bi and we would love to hang out sometime and see if we all hit it off! I hope you take this as a compliment as we think you are sexy and would love to spoil...
Boy, you sure do know women good.
Him: Hello [Username].
Him: So why "[Username]"?
Him: Sounds like what you might nickname your battery operated boyfriend, ifyouknowwhatimean.
Refreshing! But still douchebaggery abounds.
From Him: Full disclosure: Unlike the other men on this site I am not here to discuss philosophy, or the classics, or tastes in music or sporting achievments. Im here to get laid. Im not going to lie to you about wishing to run with the bulls in Pamplona, or do a cordon bleu cookery course or study art at the Sorbonne. Im here to get laid. Im not going to mention that I almost made it to...
In my profile I am very particular, yet respectful, about stating the political/religious beliefs I’m looking for in a man. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time! Today I got this initiating winner: “I am religious and swing to the right politically but your feet stink so I agree, terrible match” Submitted by C.
At least you're on top of it. But don't expect...
Note: I’m a vegetarian and it says so on my profile.
him: i love the taste of cow
me: yeah that’s pretty funny
him: good sarcasm
him: how ya doin
him: or ya lookin to talk more about what you wrote on your profile
him: or ya just not that interested
me: sorry telling me you like the taste of meat isn’t a funny pickup line for me
him: ive stopped using pick up lines
him: now im just a dick
[Submitted by K.]
One more message and then I’ll be on my way, mainly because I’m...– Submitted by E.
Hi everyone. Just a little note from your friendly, Tumblrhood OkCupid, Kill Me maintainers. I’m here to demand your personal information ask you to kindly Submit Your Shame and let the world appreciate those who need it most: the terrible people on OkCupid. Send us your messages, chats, and even send horrifying photos to firstname.lastname@example.org, or use our Submit page. Please try to...
Submitted by Y.
Archive, Delete... Where is the "commit to...
Submitted by H.
That's interesti- wait, what?
You would like talking to me, I don’t know where you want to start? Are you really an Atheist? Atheist are as limited in thinking as A strict gay hating Baptist, ok maybe just in the extremes of Atheism. But Atheism like any other religion comes with bias structure. I also am a cat owner, so I come with the occasional meow. Have always had a cat, and the occasional dog. But almost everyone...
Hello, Blah blah blah Blah blah blah something about the weather Blah blah...– Submitted by K.
“I can’t say we share the same specific interests, but I admire your passion....– Submission.
are your legs okay? they look a bit bruised just givin’ ya the heads up ...– Submitted by T.
Definitely didn't see that coming.
Them: nice tats
Them: yw just got my first
Me: what is it
Them: hebrew lettering on my left forearm
Them: I want one on my back next
Me: sorry i'm heading off to a bbq
Me: what are you getting on you back
Them: ok ciao
Them: not sure yet
Them: I just starting doing porn so I want something interesting
Me: oh cool
Them: I was asked to do it and it's gopd money
Them: you look like you could be a porn star too
What the hell just happened?
Him: you are way out of my league but maybe we can be besties?! im great at errands and stuff. wait nevermind how embarassingg.
Him: oh god cant i just send you paypal moneyy? eeek
Him: oh god eek that just came out! seemed like a um good idea?! you rule tjhooo
Him: just like..i dunno i found this random money in this random paypal i didnt know i had! so like um hiii
Me: going to bed. night!
Hey. I like your legs.– Submitted by T.
Hi How are you? Hope you had a great Weekend. Actually this is second message,...– Submitted by E.
that blank zombie-like stare in your photos, says “make rough love to me in the...– Submitted by T.
You have chosen... poorly.
Received this out of the blue… So it’s my birthday and I wanted to know if you wanted to share some birthday sex! :-) Submitted by B.
My name is my username.
him: how you doing today?
me: ok, you?
him: im good my name is evan
him: whats your name?
me: good guess
him: what do i win?
me: fuck all, really
Lose the flowery language, buddy. Get to the...
Me and you should go at it. L
So You're Into Cannibalism, and Other Great...
Message from ******ydl… who’s 17 years older than me (me 19, him 36….ewww. My mom’s 38.) You can’t say you’re not a hardcore gamer when your major influences start out with videogames and your music selection consists of songs from games. =o) You really shouldn’t put much into the importance of match questions. Some people don’t like answering...