You’re a man.
…You’re Jewish.
…You’re extremely intelligent and you are spectacular at communication.
…You are witty and have a sarcastic/dry sense of humor, and/or know that you can handle mine.
i am this..times 100
Submitted by K.
Dude, to me, via a message:
“We can sooo try to be ultra friendly friends with shopping benefits. Wadda ya say sugar?”
Err, I’ll see you in aisle 6? Friends who share Costo cards? Sugar and spice and bennies are nice?
Submitted by R.
Submitted by B.
Dec 6, 2011 – 8:38pm
hi there are u DTF?I really hope so cuz u are super fine and worth my time!!
Submission.
Editor’s note: DTF, for those of you who don’t waste your life watching Jersey Shore and other crap television, is “down to fuck.”
Got this gem from a dude who said he lives with his parents, doesn’t have a driver’s license (at 19?!), wants to be a professional WWE wrestler, and every single one of his pictures are with a different girl every time.
Hi my name is Mike i’m 19 from ****** I am on here looking for a woman who wants to be intimate have a sexual relationship and maybe even an actual dating relationship but i’m most importantly looking for a woman who wants to take my virginity
To which I replied, “You’re not gonna get it that way.”
He responded with
I want sex now lol. and i’m not trying to sound greedy and rude and stuff thats what i want
Hoo boy. I went to look at his profile and his first three things are
1. computer I need my computer so I can go onto dating sites like this one to talk to women so I can try to find someone to take my virginity
2. sex even though I haven’t had sex before I really want to experience it and without sex none of us would be here right now so yeah lol
3. women
I would almost feel sorry for the kid if he weren’t such a dumbass.
Submitted by B.
“While I don’t subscribe to liberaterialism, have you heard Ron swanstons theories on parks and recreation on the subject?”
Submitted by S.
Hey!
Man, I know WHAT you mean. I LOVE acronyms as WELL.
I like that [band] is the first band you list on your PROFILE. And that [singer] is near the front too (I’m an oh so recent convert)
Also: great hair!
Also: hi, I’m Alan!
Received by an OKCKM editor.
Good job you won.. After taking a look at your profile.. you are the lucky girl I chose to get to know me better..
I like long walks on the beach, wrestling alligators under water and for fun I like to go out dancing, listening to the rhythm of our heartbeats and enjoying the music our body makes..
But seriously you seem like a sweet girl and i feel like there’s more to you than just a pretty face. We should be friends :)
Submitted by E.
Disgustingly cute username.
I was nearly blinded by your paleness. But still find you nicelooking.
Keynes or Hayek?
Submitted by EC.
OMG! Your hairs on fire!!! Juuuuust kidding.. its not really on fire :)
Submitted by EC
Incoming Message:
Good job you won.. After taking a look at your profile.. you are the lucky girl I chose to get to know me better..
I like long walks on the beach, wrestling alligators under water and for fun I like to go out dancing, listening to the rhythm of our heartbeats and enjoying the music our body makes..
But seriously you seem like a sweet girl and i feel like there’s more to you than just a pretty face. We should be friends :)
Submitted by E.
Hey!
Man, I know WHAT you mean. I LOVE acronyms as WELL.
I like that [band] is the first band you list on your PROFILE. And that [band] is near the front too (I’m an oh so recent convert)
Also: great hair!
Also: hi, I’m Alan!
Received by an OKCKM editor.
“The rain is because you’ve been cracking too many people up. When you laugh so hard you cry special tears, which produce rain.”
Submitted by I.
Submission.
Hey, my boyfriend and I are looking for an equally attractive partner who is height/weight proportional (as we are) and would ultimately be interested in having a threesome, although it never hurts to make new friends. Both of us go to UGA and If you think you might be interested then perhaps we can email you some pictures and/or get on ichat or skype. I’m sure you could see why we wouldnt want to broadcast this kind of thing with our pics online. Anyways, I assure you we are real and sincere as well as attractive. Let me know.
Thanks,
L-
Submission.
Transcendentally beautiful, and inscrutably alluring.
Pursuit of your heart maybe quixotically romantic but if I succeed I’ll be puritanically and fervently committed to coming to your good books
(Coming to my good books? Do I want to know what that means?)
Submitted by P.
“Hey punk it’s your last day on earth….jk.
How r u?”
This was his first message to me.
Submitted by I.
Weather? Weather! I’m currently on the East coast of these United States of America and I am boiling. Dreadful, just dreadful.
Hello ********** I like your pink hair that isn’t pink anymore. Have you ever thought about how fluffier a fluffy pet can get once out the trumble dryer? What would would be the fluffiest?
Submission.
jessica|eight-teen|senior ‘11|
i’m not perfect. i’m like 82% gay. i’m a MAJOR hypocrit. i’m teaching myself german Und ich bin immer besser, aber ich bin immer noch wirklich dumm. i’m pretty much a big kid ;] but most of the time i wish that i could go back i prefered broken crayons over broken hearts.. i tend to think of myself as one fruitloop in a bowl of cherrios :D.. If i ever see a plane go by i watch to see if it crashes just go i can be a witness.. ummm im a mojor daydreamer and i love almost all things artsy, although i still havent conquered knitting. I have major crush on Shin from Cinema Bizarre, andy sixx from Black Veil Brides, Hayley Williams from Paramore, and LedaMonsterBunny(google her she is so friggin beautiful)!.. i’m majorly attracted to almost anybody with a singing/screaming voice, and im a major sucker for facial piercings.. i HATE when people shorten words when the are texting me or messaging me, its probably not prolly, and it wont kill you to add 2 letteres to a word, its why not y.. its are not r and its you not u…. I dont really know what else to say so if you wanna know anyting just ask :)
IF YOU’RE OLDER THEN 22 DONT TALK TO ME
There are so many things wrong with this profile besides the obvious spelling and grammar issues. What does 82% gay even mean? Are you explaining you’re not perfect because you’re 82% gay? That’s actually offensive to yourself.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food i love fantasy and sci-fi movies and books, and all of Ellen Hopkins books.. i think the whole trials of a drug addict thing is interesting i like drug books they are interesting…
i like all types of music except maybe gospel. i like hardcore, techno, electronic, and metal the best though. black beil brides=my fave band<3
I’m a veggie, which is my and my friends term for vegetarians i dont eat the innocent little animals anymore i dont care if you do though thats your own choice.
Remember, it’s “i HATE when people shorten words when the are texting me or messaging me… it wont kill you to add 2 letteres to a word” but feel free to call yourself a veggie if you’d like. Veggie as in brain-dead.
Submitted by A.