December 2011
38 posts
5 tags
From a 54 year old bald guy:
You’re a man. …You’re Jewish. …You’re extremely intelligent and you are spectacular at communication. …You are witty and have a sarcastic/dry sense of humor, and/or know that you can handle mine. i am this..times 100
Submitted by K.
4 tags
I may never eat sugar again.
Dude, to me, via a message:
“We can sooo try to be ultra friendly friends with shopping benefits. Wadda ya say sugar?”
Err, I’ll see you in aisle 6? Friends who share Costo cards? Sugar and spice and bennies are nice?
Submitted by R.
4 tags
Girls make all the rules.
Submitted by B.
4 tags
DTF?
Dec 6, 2011 – 8:38pm
hi there are u DTF?I really hope so cuz u are super fine and worth my time!!
Submission.
Editor’s note: DTF, for those of you who don’t waste your life watching Jersey Shore and other crap television, is “down to fuck.”
6 tags
Full-Scale Analysis of A Loser
Got this gem from a dude who said he lives with his parents, doesn’t have a driver’s license (at 19?!), wants to be a professional WWE wrestler, and every single one of his pictures are with a different girl every time.
Hi my name is Mike i’m 19 from ****** I am on here looking for a woman who wants to be intimate have a sexual relationship and maybe even an actual dating...
5 tags
You Need a Speech Filter, Too.
5 tags
“While I don’t subscribe to liberaterialism, have you heard Ron swanstons theories on parks and recreation on the subject?”
Submitted by S.
3 tags
Tourettes?
Hey!
Man, I know WHAT you mean. I LOVE acronyms as WELL.
I like that Beirut is the first band you list on your PROFILE. And that Tom Waits is near the front too (I’m an oh so recent convert)
Also: great hair!
Also: hi, I’m Alan! Received by an OKCKM editor.
3 tags
Ding, ding, ding...!
Good job you won.. After taking a look at your profile.. you are the lucky girl I chose to get to know me better.. I like long walks on the beach, wrestling alligators under water and for fun I like to go out dancing, listening to the rhythm of our heartbeats and enjoying the music our body makes.. But seriously you seem like a sweet girl and i feel like there’s more to you than just a...
5 tags
I love discussing economics with men who comment...
Disgustingly cute username. I was nearly blinded by your paleness. But still find you nicelooking. Keynes or Hayek?
Submitted by EC.
4 tags
I have red hair...
OMG! Your hairs on fire!!! Juuuuust kidding.. its not really on fire :)
Submitted by EC
4 tags
Ding, ding, ding...!
Incoming Message:
Good job you won.. After taking a look at your profile.. you are the lucky girl I chose to get to know me better..
I like long walks on the beach, wrestling alligators under water and for fun I like to go out dancing, listening to the rhythm of our heartbeats and enjoying the music our body makes.. But seriously you seem like a sweet girl and i feel like there’s more to you...
4 tags
Tourettes?
Hey!
Man, I know WHAT you mean. I LOVE acronyms as WELL.
I like that [band] is the first band you list on your PROFILE. And that [band] is near the front too (I’m an oh so recent convert)
Also: great hair!
Also: hi, I’m Alan!
Received by an OKCKM editor.
4 tags
Who's ready to date?!
“The rain is because you’ve been cracking too many people up. When you laugh so hard you cry special tears, which produce rain.”
Submitted by I.
4 tags
I may have been a little harsh.
Submission.
5 tags
The latest Threesome Form Letter variation.
Hey, my boyfriend and I are looking for an equally attractive partner who is height/weight proportional (as we are) and would ultimately be interested in having a threesome, although it never hurts to make new friends. Both of us go to UGA and If you think you might be interested then perhaps we can email you some pictures and/or get on ichat or skype. I’m sure you could see why we wouldnt...
6 tags
Eloquence is good, but you can have too much of a...
Transcendentally beautiful, and inscrutably alluring. Pursuit of your heart maybe quixotically romantic but if I succeed I’ll be puritanically and fervently committed to coming to your good books (Coming to my good books? Do I want to know what that means?)
Submitted by P.
5 tags
“Hey punk it’s your last day on earth….jk.
How r u?”
This was his first message to me.
Submitted by I.
3 tags
Is that a hypothetical question? How old do you...
Weather? Weather! I’m currently on the East coast of these United States of America and I am boiling. Dreadful, just dreadful. Hello ********** I like your pink hair that isn’t pink anymore. Have you ever thought about how fluffier a fluffy pet can get once out the trumble dryer? What would would be the fluffiest?
Submission.
4 tags
Not a message, just a ridiculously obnoxious...
My self-summary
jessica|eight-teen|senior ‘11| i’m not perfect. i’m like 82% gay. i’m a MAJOR hypocrit. i’m teaching myself german Und ich bin immer besser, aber ich bin immer noch wirklich dumm. i’m pretty much a big kid ;] but most of the time i wish that i could go back i prefered broken crayons over broken hearts.. i tend to think of myself as one...
5 tags
3 Simple Words
When writing a brief message with just three words, be sure to spell them correctly. (I can’t count “Marc” as a word, at the very least I’m assuming he can spell his own name)
Hi, your cute. Marc
7 tags
You thought you knew charming.
HI! I’m interested in you, your pictures and your personality… although, I’m not here in portland to stay for very long and I just want to fuck like silly school children. I don’t expect to be here much longer than christmas and I’m in a position as to where I am working and not ‘hanging out’ so much… prefer the straight up and honest approach....
5 tags
one dead muslim = 0.001 unwanted photos of famous...
I had just left my partner and I tried going on a date with a guy from OkCupid a couple times. For some reason on the second date I started confiding in him a little bit about my experiences in Chechnya during the war and how my teenage friend died and having to clean the body (a little much for the second date, but still). He broke me off impatiently and told me he didn’t care about all...
8 tags
Art Thou Single?
I see thou art a Shakespeare fan. I hath been that since age 8. I hope thou likest my use of his language and I would also like to ask which film version of Romeo and Juliet is thy favorite? I see thou likest chick flicks and I hath no problem with that, though I do have a stronger obsession with Hamlet. What reality doth thou enjoy? I hope to hear from thee soon.
Submitted by K.
5 tags
It's the end of the world as we know it...
This gem was in response to my “YOU SHOULD MESSAGE ME IF” section which included the quote with which he kicks off his “inspiring” rant! His unsolicited message:
“you believe there are enough things right with the world to fix the things that are wrong” why are you looking for an idiot/ignoramus? we’re so fucked that literally the only thing that can...
5 tags
Leap-Frog of Decades
I find you heart-stopping ravishing..Simply mesmerizing! If your fed up kissing..poor..moronic and sex starved “frogs”…. Let me spoil..pamper you like the goddess you are!!
I couldn’t respond to this message…The man was 50 years old and wanted to have some “Fun” with me…hahaha
Submission.
6 tags
Straight to the point
Incoming message:
Hi sexy… Let’s have sex :) will rock our bed ……. 6.5 inch long….get fun…..
Submitted by JF.
3 tags
5 tags
Straightforward.
Are you ready to start a family? I an tried of just dating….
6 tags
RESPECT.
damn girl.. i wanna hit you on the head with my big stick, throw you over my shoulder and take you to my cave so i can lock you up for the whole winter and keep you to myself ;P and i mean that in the most respectful way for real
Submitted by S.
6 tags
Yes, because I'm on OKC because I want a...
Incoming message:
You’re adorable, so adorable in fact that I’ve decided I’m going to adopt you as my new little sister. Don’t worry, we’ll spend all our time together climbing trees and drinking kool-aid. Actually you seem like a pretty cool person, I’d love to get together sometime and let you cook for me haha. Wait! You’re not crazy are you?
Submitted...
3 tags
YO DUDES.
Hi!!@
I hope you’re all enjoying the momentary (maybe?) resurgence of posts from OKCKM.
I just wanted to let you know about something important: photo submissions. We dig them. They are badass. And while we are catty, petty bitches, and know you respect us for it, we need to lay some ground rules.
If you submit a photo of a conversation, blur the name, at least, of the poor bastard who...
5 tags
Change of heart?
I know it’s redundant that I did message him/her (it’s unclear which) back.
Submitted by B.
5 tags
Response to this = ?
Received a message consisting of nothing more than: “i own a semantic web 3.0 marketing firm.”
Ten minutes later, unprompted, from the same (45-year-old) guy: “or not. lol.”
Submitted by L.
5 tags
Women Send Men Weird Messages Too: Good Pick Up...
(6:36:19 pm): i am going to state the obvious your eye lashes like horses eyes
(6:36:28 pm): and the smile sparkling teeth
6 tags
Sorry, I'm not interested in your you
konichiwa babe! Are you looking for the best boyfriend that ever lived? If so, look no further. You found him. I’m a 37-year-old professional independent contractor. That’s right! I graduated from THE Ohio State University, and joined the Marines at the ripe, tender age of 22. After finishing my enlistment I became a Cop. Why? Because chicks dig Cops. Anyway, so I landed this job with...
6 tags
Big Brother Is Watching.
This is a first time message from a slightly strange looking guy in who lived about an hour and a half away from me
Hey there, Gorgeous Lady! How’s life treating you down in the City? Okay, honestly though, I need your help. The CIA is trying to steal a very important piece of my anatomy, and I need somewhere I can hide it! Couldja help me out there? ;)
I got the message while out...
5 tags
November 2011
3 posts
6 tags
Mexico is NOT in South America...and other...
Just received this last night:
Hey, my name is Perri and i’m new in the USA, i kinda like your profile usually i dont date women in their 20s, because i like the mature look and i think it is very sexy, but in your case, you look older then your real age around 28-29 (did you used to smoke when you young?) and i would love to know if you also have good personality other then your mature...
5 tags
Noooooo.
Him:hey want to hang out some time?
Him:can I fuck you in my bed<3 ?
Him:Hiiiiiiiii whattt up?
Her:Noooooooo.
Him: well i thought u were cute and im also a vegetarian ,but ur a STUCK Up bitch,
5 tags
Armpits?
Message:
hello. how are you ? you are so beautiful. honestly . are u looking for a very serious relation ? i have had lots of drama with relations, so looking for a no commitment relation . i am not for one night stands . r u okay with idea of being cuddle buddies and share a few kisses ? wont go beyond ur lovely face, boobs and armpits . sorry if i am being too forward .
...
June 2011
20 posts
10 tags
What the fuck?
>Hi there,
How are you doing? So, I do realize this will sound quite unusual and perhaps even weird but i was just wondering if perhaps you would consider becoming my sister? Just to clarify, this is an actual sincere question so i definitely appreciate you taking the time to read it. Take care and i look forward to hearing back from you soon.
>You’re right, that is weird. I am...
6 tags
your beautiful, brillent
Your beautiful, brillent, be care as your to cool to be on this site…I hate the lakers there like the yankees who I hate more Melville, sports night and your hatred of the lakers made me type this I only hope to be lucky enough to hear back xo
Submitted by L.
6 tags
Because nothing makes a good first impression like...
(My friend asked me to submit this for her because her work keeps her from getting on tumblr.)
I REALLY like your Profile!! A lot. Your intelligent and attractive, with much style. I looked at your photos first, then read your profile. The more I read, the more interesting it got…Then all of a sudden, this woman’s voice popped into my head and started reading aloud!!! .(O_o). lmfao!...
6 tags
I Might've Been Happy With Sexual Chocolate . . .
Hey there, Very cute profile. You seem like a lot of fun. You cvan’t write that nobody can pronounce your name though without actually saying what your name is! My name’s ***. So you can tell me yours, or I’ll just have to call you hot chocolate!
Because it’s every black girl’s dream to be called “hot chocolate” by a white stranger.
Submitted by D.
3 tags
5 tags
Unbreak my heart.
Wassup Jun 12, 2011 – 4:22pm
Wana be my lil princess lol jk
58% Enemy53% Friend24% Match Message from b******
5 tags
So you eat meat, have a cat, and read thesauruses?...
My self-summary
I am the triangulation of Vinayan wanderlust , Khan-esque battlehunger and virility, and a culinary acumen that rivals the minimalist-yet-succulent machinations of Mark Bitteman. I enjoy carnivorism , animal activism, snowboarding , and salting the earth. I can also cook minute rice in 20 seconds.
8 tags
Uh, what?
you dye your hair, but i don’t care. if your tits are fake, i’m unaware. i just love the way you shake in your underwear i really wanna see what you got under there. and i’m unprepared to let you pass me by let a few good ones go, hurt the worst the last time i can’t keep you off my crass mind, i really mean it, but don’t ask why.
Submitted by F.
4 tags
Nausea.
mmmm… such luscious lips..and eyes. you ooze such sensuality with them.. I m not going to go around the bush and say things .. but you are hottt.. and true exotic indian beauty.. ur skin tone is such a dusky shimmer.. I bet you love being kissed and cuddled and loved.. those nice full breasts..wonder how you’d feel when they are slowly sucked by a nice pair of wet lips.. u’d moan...